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Some pictures of me, my sister, and my parents at Walt Disney World in 1997.
And so we begin our foray into the second half of the movie. Rest assured, this is where things get darker, and generally more entertaining inside the ship, which is basically a combination of Pleasure Island and Hell itself.
There have been many classic animated films over the years, but there have been many…mediocre ones as well. Today, I’m going to review an odd title in the animation canon, 1987’s Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night. Is it good? No. Is it bad, though? Not especially. It falls into the aforementioned mediocre category. Let’s go on a whimsical non-copyright-infringing journey into the world of Pinocchio!
Now, this movie was made by the Filmation company, known for titles like Fat Albert and He-Man. They seemed to have had a rather ingenious idea. Why not make sequels to well-known Disney films? Of course, Disney wouldn’t let them, but most of the stories were in public domain. Why not make the new movies close enough to the original Disney films to comfort the audience, but just different enough so no one would get sued? Well, according to the ALL-SEEING WIKIPEDIA, Disney did sue them (and probably rightfully so), but they ended up losing the case.
Two films were made like this. One was Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night, the other was Snow White: Happily Ever After. I feel that Pinocchio is more interesting and (I hate to say this) a generally better movie, so that’s what I’m looking at for this post.
everyone needs a waving snail on their blog
i feel that if I scroll past this and don’t reblog it the snail is going to look to the ground and cry
gotta do it now
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Welcome back! When we last left Tom, he had made it through the jungle. Now he journeys through a haunted house, because why not?
Bat – Ah, yes, the goddamned bats™…they’re not that terrible in this game, but every platformer requires a bat enemy, so why miss out?
Skeleton – The Dry Bones of the game, if you hit him with a rock, he crumbles to pieces, but gets up shortly afterwards.
Mummy – To go with the skeletons, silly!
Sword Skeleton – The normal skeleton’s big brother. This guy holds a sword and shield, yet is somehow able to throw daggers at you! How does he do it? Supernatural powers!
Ghost – D’aww, lookit him floating around! How could this get any cuter?
Slime – D’AWWW, it DID get cuter! I’ll bet this blob (who drops off the ceiling) mated with the ghost and gave us Slimer! I’m conflicted as to whether or not that’s a good thing, but whatever.
Witch – Wow, we’re pulling out all the clichés, aren’t we? Every haunted house needs a witch, and this old gal floats around as a mid-boss and shoots energy balls at you. The solution? Rocks. Lots of rocks.
Spider – Just like bats and birds, it’s apparently required for all platform games to have spider enemies. He drops down from the ceiling, and that’s basically it.
BOSS: Devil – So who’s in charge of all these hellspawn creatures? This large blue demon, sitting atop his equally-blue throne! He zaps you with more energy balls, the go-to weapon of dream beasts, apparently. He also summons smaller demons (who are pretty adorable, might I add) to attack you.
Raindrop Thing – The next level takes you into the heavens (are they going for a Dante motif here? Where’s Purgatory?). Here, you encounter more adorable enemies! Little raindroplets! They drop from the sky and bounce around, like every other enemy in the game.
More Birds – I know it makes sense to have birds in the sky, but seriously, this game has a lot of birds, doesn’t it?
Thundercloud – It looks like an innocent cloud…until it unleashes lightning bolts on you! Mildly realistic, compared to the rest of the game, actually.
Falling Stars – Unfortunately, they don’t grant you invincibility, like they do in Super Mario Bros. They just kill you. Like everything else.
Dragon – Why are all these enemies so cute? Well, in the later levels, they’re less cute, as they learn how to breathe fire. Not a feature I look for in a pet.
Cloud Kid – Not sure what he’s supposed to be. Some sort of deity? A demigod? Some kid with the powers of Static Shock? Whoever this mysterious being is, he shoots more lightning bolts at you.
BOSS: Blimp – How do you top Cloud Kid? You can’t, so here’s a blimp. If you can destroy its weapons (it’s loaded with ‘em), the mysterious ship will fly off in shame.
Scorpion – Another generic enemy that lurks in Injun Joe’s cave.
Fish – They just kind of jump out of the waterfalls. Injun Joe doesn’t have a lot of bodyguards, does he? Aside from the fire-breathing dragons I mentioned earlier, there’s not much to fear in the caves, except maybe fear itself.
Injun Joe – The final boss! The sum of all Tom’s fears! The nightmare king himself! Riding a reluctant sea monster, he shoots arrows at you. You throw arrows at him. If you beat him, you will be reunited with Becky, and Tom wakes up with one of Joe’s feathers!
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When you ask someone for a list of their favorite NES games, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer most likely won’t be one of them. On the other hand, it’s not a terrible game…it’s just not that great. But this isn’t a review; it’s a rundown of the baddies! So here we go, starting from the top!
You play as Tom Sawyer or Huck Finn (Players one and two, respectively), lost in a dream world trying to save Becky Thatcher from the evil Injun Joe. The enemies in this game are toughies, as they can all kill you with one hit.
Barrel – The first enemies that appear are barrels that are rolled at you from offscreen, presumably by the pirates you encounter later. Reminds me of Donkey Kong.
Seagulls – These pests swoop down at you, just like every other bird enemy in every game ever made. Despite this being the first level, they’re annoyingly hard to avoid or kill unless you throw an endless stream of rocks (your primary weapon) at them, and even then it’s pretty tough to hit one.
Pirate – Large pirates guard their ship from Tom, armed with stubby li’l swords. They’re pretty easy targets, but they’ve got a nasty trick up their sleeves—they jump when you throw rocks at them, making them a pain to destroy.
Also, some carry guns later on. Security is pretty rough on the high seas.
Mouse – These guys are even more effective enemies than the pirates! Not only do they rush out of nowhere, they’re quite tough to hit with rocks, as the rocks tend to fly over them.
Giant Rat – Bigger than their mousey companions, these guys literally appear out of nowhere are screech loudly, causing some kind of soundwave to kill Tom if not avoided. At least, that’s what I think they do. Also, they can burst into dozens of small pixels and re-shape themselves. Typical stuff.
Flying Octopus – Flying through the air with the greatest of ease, these pests squirt ink or water at you. If they hit you with ink twice, you die. Water kills you automatically. I would say that this makes no sense, but it’s a dream, so nothing makes sense. That logic applies to the rest of the game as well.
BOSS: Giant Octopus – In the ship’s lowest level, a giant octopus awaits! Surrounded by a halo of little orange octopuses, it shoots ink at you. Just like Twain intended.
River Perils and Foes – As you paddle down the river, you are faced with logs, fish, hawks, and some other kind of birds that float and swoop at you. Fairly generic stuff. Also generic are the frogs that jump at you, though the dolphins are a strange choice for the Mississippi river.
Kid – He stands on the riverbanks and throws rocks at you, the little jerk. Not so fun on the other side of the rock-throwing, is it?
BOSS: Alligator – Maybe he’s friends with the octopus. The huge reptilian beast shoots whirlpools at you (somehow), although I’m a little confused as to why he’s not trying to chomp your puny raft instead. Like all other enemies, rocks will take him down.
Slug – Uh…they’re slugs. Not much else I can say about them. Too bad you don’t get armed with salt.
Hog – They got Old Yeller, now they’re after you! How many literary characters will these boars try to bump off?
Butterfly – It’s big, but that’s about it. I’m not sure why they’re a threat to Tom, but here they are.
Bird – Birds hate Tom, apparently.
Pelican – See above.
Seahorse – Tricksters of the sea…at least they are in this game. They seem harmless at first, like a little decoration added to the game…then they squirt you and it’s curtains. Pretty sneaky.
Mole - What a cutie! I almost feel bad for throwing rocks at him.
Grasshopper – Urg, I hate creepy crawlies. They jump at you, nothing special.
Snake - I’m totally running out of things to say…it’s a snake, what supposed to say?
Ape – Yes, they’re apes, don’t let the bad graphics fool you. They follow a set pattern (jumping down the branches at you, before climbing back up the tree), but they’re still a little hard to get around, because they’re so darn fast! Still, these apes have a secret weapon…
At the end of the level, they pull a Transformers move on you.
BOSS: Gorilla – Thorg hunry! Thorg want eat! Sorry. Anyway, he causes rocks to fall from the sky, because it’s a purple gorilla and all logic is thrown out the window at this point. I know, I know, dream this, dream that, yadda yadda. Also, he changes color the more you hit him—purple, green, then orange.
See you next time!
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Welcome to a new feature where I talk about an important feature of video games: The bad guys!
We might as well start with some important characters, ones from early Mario games (although I’m leaving out Donkey Kong 3, as it’s been a while since I played that).
Barrel - While not a sentient being, the barrels are the first obstacles faced in Mario’s original adventure (true, it’s not as grand as his other outings, but I think that facing off against a giant gorilla is worthy of the term “adventure”). The barrels are easy enough to avoid, just jump over them like the Jumpman you are! Plus, this is before Mario had gotten his Mushroom Kingdom physics, so his jumps are more or less realistic (in comparison to the later games, at least). A hammer will smash them.
Foxfire - Kinda cute for a walking fireball, isn’t it? I wonder why they’re called “Foxfires.” Is it because they have a little flamey tail? These guys are spawned when barrels fall into a bucket of oil. Unlike the barrels, they actually pursue Mario. In a later level, they appear from offscreen. Perhaps Donkey Kong Jr is throwing them into oil buckets offscreen. Like barrels, they can be extinguished with a hammer. Also, when Mario has the hammer, they turn blue, much like the ghosts in Pac-Man. Could they be frightened?
Donkey Kong - The big lug himself! While he (or his son, depending on differing theories) is a good guy now, the original ape was an out-of-control, temperamental type. Like many video game villains, he had a passion for kidnapping fair maidens. In some versions of the story, Mario was actually abusing him in the circus (this even carried over to an obscure game called Donkey Kong Circus).
Donkey Kong is known for throwing barrels at Mario in the original game, and that’s about it. Despite this, he kills Mario instantly if the carpenter touches him, he dies instantly. This makes sense, though, as Donkey Kong is a giant gorilla.
After Mario sends Mr. Kong falling to his defeat, the tables are soon turned, as we see in…
DONKEY KONG JR.
Snapjaw - These feisty little guys are released after Donkey Kong Jr. While Jr. climbs the vines to reach his captured papa, the mechanical alligator heads chomp their way down to feast on him (or at least knock him into the water below). Blue ones plummet to their doom, while red ones stay on the vines. One wonders why the game’s antagonist didn’t use all red ones in the first place.
Nitpicker - Somehow even more annoying than Snapjaws, Nitpickers are birds that fly around, sometimes swooping, and sometimes dropping eggs (or poop, hard to tell) on Jr. I’m not sure if they’re working for the antagonist or if they’re wild animals, but they are a pain to avoid! Still, a challenge is always welcome, especially in Nintendo games from the eighties.
Spark - Sparks of various shapes and sizes have appeared in many Mario games over the years, but Donkey Kong Jr. was their first foray. After being released by the antagonist, they circle the platforms that Jr. tries to maneuver. Blue ones can also follow Jr.
But who is this mysterious antagonist? I’m sure most of you know already, but on the off-chance that some of you don’t, it’s…
Mario - What?! Our beloved Mario, a video game villain? Say it ain’t so! Yes, Mario is the game’s antagonist, having captured Donkey Kong, presumably to keep him away from his then-girlfriend, Pauline, and other victims. When Jr. comes to the rescue, Mario unleashes an arsenal of enemies to thwart the baby ape.
Obviously, the folks at Nintendo hadn’t fully developed Mario or Donkey Kong yet, so I like the turning the tables idea, although now that Mario has become a symbol for video game heroes, this probably wouldn’t fly today. That being said, Mario is knocked out at the end, leaving Donkey Kong and Jr. free to escape, and possibly mess up a greenhouse later on. But that’s a story for Stanley the Bugman.
Interestingly, there are two Marios seen in the game’s intro, leading some players to think that Luigi makes an early appearance in this game, without his trademark green overalls and hat. Of course, Donkey Kong Jr Math featured a pink Jr., so it was probably just some random weirdness.
Shellcreeper - This adorable turtle still plagues Mario. Or least his relatives, the Koopas, do. Actually, he probably is a Koopa with a different name. While jumping on him kills Mario or Luigi (in his first true appearance, I might add), something that would not carry over into later games, it’s probably just because the series’ mechanics weren’t fully developed yet. Plus, Mario and Luigi can’t change direction in the air, either, unlike other games.
Still, to avoid confusion, in later remakes of the game, the Shellcreepers have been replaced by spiky-backed Spinies, who can’t be jumped on normally anyway.
Sidestepper - These guys are tougher than the Shellcreepers. While the Shellcreepers take on bump from below to immobilize, Sidesteppers take two…if you can catch them the second time. The first hit just makes them angry. Bad news for Mario or Luigi. After all, giant crabs are never appreciated. While Shellcreepers (as Koopas) have gone on to have a long, lovely career, Sidesteppers don’t appear nearly as often nowadays. One Sidestepper, though, was chosen by Wart the frog to become an even bigger crab named Clawgrip in Super Mario Bros. 2.
Fighter Fly - D’aww! Look at him! He’s just happy to be alive! Too bad he’s gumming up the plumbing and he’s bigger than he looks. Fighter Flies bounce around, making them harder to hit. Despite that, they’re easier than the earlier-introduced Sidesteppers.
Slipice (AKA Freezie) - Slipices freeze Mario or Luigi upon contact, but even if they aren’t touched, these icicles are bad news if left to their own devices. Once they’re out long enough, they stop and coat the platform they’re on in ice! Known now as Freezies, these cold customers still show up every now and then, notably in the Smash Bros. series.
Well, that’s about it for now! See you later for more video game baddies!
Hey you… yes you! Do you like musicals? Do you like ridiculousness? OF COURSE YOU DO! Well, have I got news for you! My friend roguepirateroxie and I have created a youtube channel just for that sort of thing. On there we’ll do musical theatre reenactments from shows such as Pippin and Les Miserables. Come on, who WOULDN’T want to see two goofy 20-somethings pretending to be men?!
Here we have a few promotional shots for our first set of videos “Charlemagne in Charge,” which hopefully will be hitting youtube soon. Spread the word, kiddies! Tell your friends, subscribe, and all that jazz.
I WILL KEEP DOING THIS UNTIL IT GETS MY NUMBER WRONG.
They heard me !
im so scared its not even funny
THIS IS SO FREAKIN CREEPY! I NEVER EVEN SAID ANYTHING OUTLOUD! WTF?!
AND IF YOU OPEN THE OTHER DOORS THEY’RE DIFFERENT NUMBERS WHAT THE FUCK
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